Rolling into 2018

Here's the first post to my 2018. Not much has happened since the last post.

I took part, and completed my first ever running event, which was also my first ever 21km(that's a half marathon). Challenged myself during the festivities to take part in the Rapha Festive500 challenge. Grabbed a 5th place sprint finish in my local criterium team training ride. Ate lots of food, went on a food trip, ate more food. Wait, that's actually quite a lot that happened.

So first up, I have yet to introduce my new ride. Let me tell you, it's quite a fine steed. The new steed is a fine specimen bred in Belgium, Germany. Ridden on by the pros such as Andre Greipel and Adam Hansen on the very demanding courses of the Paris Roubaix. Dubbed an endurance bike, but don't let that fool you. It's very much an all rounder race bike, with it's stiffness and the ability to withstand power from the pro tour riders. The bike I'm talking about is the Ridley Fenix SL. Where other manufacturers use lower carbon grades and constructions to lower the cost, at Ridley, you get the exact same frame the pros ride on. They lower the cost by offering other parts such from their in-house component brand 4Za to outfit the bike from handlebars, stem, seatpost, wheels, saddles, as well as offering different groupsets at differing price points.

Presenting my Ridley Fenix SL

Running on Shimano's true and tested Ultegra 6800 11 speed, with a FSA SLK seatpost and a FSA ENERGY stem, PRO's Falcon Saddle, and Retrospec R100 50mm carbon wheelset.

The Retrospec wheelset is an in-house brand from Taiwan's Twitter bike brand, engineered in Germany(according to them). I got it at an amazing deal from a friend, so why not right?

Back to the bike. Ride quality. It's really an all rounder bike that any rouleur would revel in. It does not boast to be lightest, or the stiffest, or the most comfortable in any aspect, but instead brings a balance of all three. The result? The Fenix SL. It doesn't shoot off like the Noah when you put in the hammer, or fly up the mountains like the Helium (both, Ridley's models for the aero class and climbing class respectively). What it gives is the steady acceleration and steady pick up from when you put in the power. It doesn't lack in responsiveness due to the stiffness, but has enough stiffness that you wouldn't feel is too soft, which some may say for an endurance bike, is too stiff. But that's not what the Ridley wants to be. Why be one thing, where you can be a bit more? I think this was the approach Ridley was trying to achieve with the Ridley Fenix SL.

I've put it through it's paces in the one year of usage, clocked in 4300+/-km (based on Strava+Garmin), and even had some sprint finishes, I'd say the bike fitted my style of riding perfectly. I could climb with it without feeling like I was lugging around a tofu with a weight(weird analogy, but you get the picture), sprint for the finish without feeling like I was late by a millisecond, rode long distances without feeling like my back was aching like an 80 year old grandpa.

So here's to more riding in 2018 eh?

Cheers,
Vincent 

One more milestone

So, yet again, another random post to the blog that is on and off forgotten. This time, I'd like to talk about my experience on my first ever Century Ride, also my longest ride in go, yet.

This event fell on the 29th of May, 2016. That was just about a week ago. It was held at Perak, covering nearly the whole outer perimeter of the state, circling Ipoh town. The event was called the "Perak Century Ride" for obvious reasons. A Century Ride, is a non-competitive endurance ride event for cyclists of all walks of life to challenge themselves and their endurance levels. Usually 100 miles in distance, that's 160 in kilometers (1mi = 1.6km), it's a test of physical and mental endurance and not for the faint of heart. To complete a Century Ride, a cyclist needs to be physically fit, as well as mentally strong. Adequate training before hand is encouraged (more like, a must).

Fast forward to a day before the event. I took the Electric Train Service(ETS) from KL Sentral. ETS is an intercity rail service operated by Keretapi Tanah Melayu Berhad(KTMB). I must say, I was amazed at the punctuality of the ETS service as well as the comfort of the interior of the train itself. It was clean and well maintained, as opposed to the regular KTM train services. The ticket pricing was also quite affordable for a student like me, if I were to travel within Malaysia. I boarded the train and the journey from KL Sentral to Ipoh took about 2 and half hours.

Waiting at KL Sentral

On the way to Ipoh

Upon arriving in Ipoh, I made my way to the race pack collection venue. I was a little wary due to posts earlier in the day stating that the management was disorganized and cause a long queue for the collection, but when I was there, everything seemed to be moving in order. 

Event Jersey

After collecting my pack I waited for my group to arrive and proceeded to check in and freshen up. The next day, everyone was up early to grab breakfast at the hotel breakfast buffet, food was average, the standard hotel menu of noodles, eggs, sausages, ham, dim sum, toasts, coffee and tea, as well as cereal. After a small breakfast to provide a small boost for the ride, we went to retrieve our bikes, only to be greeted by a small rainfall. The rain dampened our mood considerably. We steeled ourselves and prepared for what was for sure going to be a wet and cold ride.

Bike retrieval area

Wet and cold start, yet we lined up

 There was a rolling start of about 10km before the official start of the race, the participants lined up amidst the drizzle. We were slightly drenched before we even started. Upon the starting gong, we all started moving. It was a brief warm up during the rolling start with the top contenders for the prize money and podium placement jostling for a good starting position at the front of the race. My aim for this event was just to finish with the best possible time I could achieve.

The first 120km was a breeze, although there were rolling slopes, I was prepared for it as I had trained myself before the event. However, the longest ride I have ever attempted before hand was only 135km. At 120km, my mind starting doubting if I could even finish the next 40km. The last 40km. My legs were heavy, I was well off my targeted time, the distance on the speedometer didn't seem to be increasing, and my speed kept decreasing. The scorching afternoon sun in contrast to the wet and cold start, was not helping morale. On and off, I managed to strike up a conversation with some fellow cyclists, some I dropped, some went ahead of me. There was a period during the last 25km that I was moving along alone, till I caught up to another cyclist, who was also struggling as the road was a short incline. We talked a little and went together till 10km from the finish line where I dropped him.

Finishing with an official time of 6:28:14

Just glad to finish the ride

Passing the finishing line at 6 hours 28 minutes and 14 seconds for 168km to me was a great achievement for myself. The longest distance yet in my cycling experience, and I successfully completed it 1 hour and 30 minutes from cut off time. It was a great experience throughout, and an eye opener into the life of the pro tour cyclists, who do this everyday for weeks on end and even higher intensities.

My group coming in 10 minutes later

Medal biting photo is a must

If I was to participate in an event like this again, I would probably train harder beforehand. Keep my mind strong and not doubt my own capabilities.

Frozen loot - Energy Drinks (It's like we were preparing performance enhancing drugs)

Till next time

Whenever that is

Vincent

Throwback to that first race

Life after graduation is kinda dull. I need to get a job.

That said, I had a sentimental recollection of my first race back in May 2015. I was still in Kuching at that time and so I thought, why not? Registered with some club mates from uni and I was in. We didn't really trained much before the race. In fact, we never trained. We were so inexperienced then. Two days before the race, we did a route recon and that was it.

The event I am talking about is ABC Race that was organized by a "Koperasi Al-Bait". It covers a distance of 120km. The day of the race, it was raining and the roads was wet but that didn't stop us from going ahead with the race.

Look at our inexperienced self then. Except for Mark. The one on the left in 3T.

So yeah, at the starting line, there we were in our sports shoes and platform pedals and a good 70% of them were using clipless pedals. You know things are getting serious when over half the playing field goes "clack clack clack". Me and the guy beside me on platform pedals just stared at each other and had this "oh shit" look on our face.

It was a good race experience for us and yeah, I've come a long way since then. I recently just registered for another event in Perak. The Perak Century Ride. So I hope I'll be better in that event....since it covers 160km.

Cheers.

Half.A.Year

It's already June. That was awfully fast. My last post was last December. That just shows how much I care about my blog. Guess this might be a long post, or maybe not.

So far, what's new? I started my third year in university, which literally means, final year. First semester. It was hectic. It was tough. Most of it was also mainly caused by my poor time management (no surprises there). I've also started going a little serious into cycling. Nothing intense yet though. Just a few long rides here and there, a race once in awhile, and just cycling. Got myself a new bike. A road bike to be exact. 

My road bike(left) compared to my hybrid(right)

I'm pretty happy with it. Been riding it for six months, I can say I'm getting very familiar with handling a road bike. A lot of people say that, an expensive bike is the best and fastest. I would say, yes, an expensive bike with great features is in fact better, but it all also comes down to the rider. Although a lot of people argue that a carbon fiber bike is lighter and thus faster, there's nothing that says an alloy/steel bike can't be just as fast. In my view, the bike is only about 25-30% of the overall factor that makes a cyclist. 55-65% is the cyclist him/herself. So while most of my peers are talking about their shiny new bikes, and carbon fiber frames, I'm content with what I have and how my performance is without a doubt, on par with them.

Every weekend (Sunday), we will have long rides. So far, I have been to Damai Beach, Kampung Serikin(near the Indonesian border), Samarahan, Bako, and Muara Tebas. It was great riding out far, proving the quote "Have bike will travel". In fact, the second photo above, was taken at Tasik Biru, which translates to Blue Lake, because of the blue waters. Taken while we were heading back from Kampung Serikin.

I've made a lot of great friends in the Cycling Club here in Swinburne Sarawak. We ride, we laugh together. They're the best company during the long rides.

See these people I ride with. These crazy bunch of people I ride with

Riding with them = Best weekend spent. I seem to have fallen in love with cycling a lot. So much that I can literally say that "Cycling is love, cycling is life". To some extent, that sometimes when people ask me if I would ever get a girlfriend, I can just nonchalantly say, "Nah, I have my bike. I'm happy enough." Weird huh?

Another thing that happened was that, since joining the cycling club this semester, I feel like I contributed in bringing more life to it. This was done via what I learnt in my studies. Design. Best part of it? I loved doing it. Wait, I LOVE doing what I do when I can do it for what I have passion for. The weekly ride poster promotions was nothing big. The thought of designing a club cycling jersey. That decision and the agreement from the club members was a great moment. After the many discussions and idea generation, we finally decided on one design. May I present to you,

 

My pride and joy. My creation, and design brainchild. Swinburne Sarawak Cycling Club jersey. There will be the sense of pride of putting this jersey on, knowing it was my design and also knowing that, we are a group, a team, and a club.

Cycling is also a means for me to relax and rightly so. The things you see while on a ride, breathtaking. 

Yup. Beautiful. Also, these views are different. You only get to see this and experience it once.

I also took part in a race with a distance of 120km. This was last May. The experience riding amongst professionals was great and also an eye opening one. Seeing them ride and the pace of speed they ride, showed me that there are better cyclists out there, and I want to be as good as them.

I guess, cycling has become a part of my life again right now, and it's going to stay.

Cheers,

Vincent

"Go fast or go last"

"Go fast or go home"

"Don't stop pedalling"

Almost There

Here we go with the routine dusting. Hey ho people.

December is here and what's been happening? Quite a bit. Recently just handed in all my assignments and thus, I'm free. *sniff* Ahhh, that lovely, fresh smell of FREEDOM, except, that it's not really freedom just yet. One more final paper to go, MPU Hubungan Etnik. Damn this subject. What makes it worse is that it's going to take a week before the paper. I could have booked an earlier flight and flew back to home sweet home if it wasn't for this paper. So as it is, got my ticket for the 19th. I miss home cooked food so much.

Enough about the MPU, I recently just went for my routine check up. 2nd one to note. I must say, I received some really good news. Here's how it went with the doctor.

Doc:"Based on the X-ray, your bones have fused together."

Me:"Serious?!"

Yeah. Just a short conversation. Then he did some checks and stuff. The things doctors do while checking up their patient and all. Funny thing was, it only took half the amount of time the doctor originally gave me for the recovery period. He said it takes about 3 months for the bones to fuse together, and another 3 months for the bones to be fully healed. The accident was on the 19th of October, so yeah, that's more or less 1 and a half months since then and my bones have fused. You know what? I think I might actually have Wolverine's healing factor. A diluted version of it but some really cool healing powers indeed......just kidding. I'm just glad it healed fast.

Officially allowed on the bicycle again. Time to bring my beloved bike out for some sunshine, wind and adventure. Just in time too, cause I've got some time to kill before the MPU final paper. Maybe I might just drop by the library as well, to look at people studying and stressing about their final paper. Perks of studying design, the non-existence of the term "Final Exam/Paper".

Anyway, that's all for this routine dust up.

Cheers,

Vincent

Something new

It's time for a routine dust off. Been a long time since my last post and a lot has happened. To whoever still drops by occasionally, sorry you guys are stuck with so little updates. Too many things going on, and I'll just try to summarise the happenings that came about this past few months.

As you guys may know, from my previous posts, I'm currently undergoing my studies at Swinburne University of Technology, Sarawak Campus. That's in Kuching, nice place really. Been here for a little over six weeks already, and I must say I've pretty much settled into the living style here. Being away from home doesn't really bother me, still miss home cooking occasionally, but everything is going well. The classes were a little mix of old and new, learning some new stuff while brushing up on skills I learnt whilst in diploma. It's a great experience here as I get the chance to mix with a lot of international students and learn more about their country and culture, as a matter of fact, because of the diverse student culture, Swinburne organizes a cultural night event every year where students perform their cultural specialties or just take the chance to perform. I was lucky my enrolment was timed just right as I got to experience this event.

 So far, I've already passed the middle mark of the semester and ended my mid term break(JUST today actually). The first half went well I would say and then it's onwards to another 6 weeks and I'll end my Semester 2 Year 2. Recently, actually just a week ago, I acquired a bicycle.

700c Nexus Hybrid Bike

I got a bike for a few reasons, transport being one of the few reasons, and recreation being another. Why a hybrid bike? Because mainly, I'll only be using it for road and minimal off road. This bike can handle gravel as well as "kampung" roads no issue. It's a great bike, even though I only managed to take it out for a spin no more than 5 times. Pretty sad, huh? Why? Cause foolhardy me went and attempted a ramp take-off. 

Like I said in the title, "Something new", and by that, I meant, loads of new experiences. This was, as painful as it was, something new to me, as well as exciting. Back 4 years, while I was still in high school, I used to do a lot of "little" stunts with my then MTB(Mountain Bike). It wasn't a really high end model but at RM450, it was a pretty damn good bike with full suspension and toughness to take a beating. Which in the end got stolen by some scumbag, whoever it was, hope it serves him well like it did for me(posted about this ages back). 

So, I went on a cycling session with the Swinburne Cycling Club and they brought us to a dirt trail to have some fun. A little too much fun for me I guess, when I decided to do the ramp take-off. I borrowed one of the cycling member's MTB cause my hybrid for sure wouldn't be able to pull off the stunt. Went for it but close to the ramp, I faltered and braked, causing me to lose momentum. Which ended with me plunging down the ramp rather than flying off it. The resulting fall cause me to fracture my left collarbone which required a surgery to realign it back as well as a metal plate and 7 screws.

Fractured collarbone, overlapping

Although it was a pretty serious thing, I just felt excited throughout the whole ordeal(okay maybe a little nervous cause...surgery). Everything was a new experience to me and I'm pretty glad I got this chance to experience things like this while I'm still young and capable and able to go the extreme. Don't get me wrong, a broken bone is no fun, but experience on the other hand is, priceless.

I was in really good spirits throughout the ordeal, dad even flew down to make sure I was alright(feeling guilty about this). But we got to spend some quality time together. I also thought I was gonna be lectured, but then, they just said, they warned me and I had to be responsible for my own decisions, which was my broken bones.

Before the surgery, submitting some assignments (with one hand)

After the surgery

Pretty much in good spirits

 I was discharged after three days in the hospital with no signs of complications. Overall, I'd say I had a really eventful mid term break. I have to wear a sling when I walk for the first two weeks after ther surgery but my arms can still function normally for typing and writing. A really good experience for me in my opinion. Now, I'm just making sure I take care of myself and get a speedy recovery and have my bones joined back together. 

Today, begins my 2nd half of the semester, and things are bound to get busier. I guess, you guys won't be hearing from me for a while(again). Video of the fall can be watched here. It's kinda funny watching myself. I can even laugh at myself, weird.

Here's to another one of the longest post I've done.

Cheers

Vincent Loke

P.S.: I'm so sorry bike, just wait for me for a while longer alright?

I'll take you out onto the road again. Soon I hope.

30 Days, onwards.

31st July 2014.

The day that marked the end of my job period with Linkz Event. We had a celebration for a colleagues birthday, as well as a farewell lunch for me. It wasn't a grand big thingy, but it's the thought that counts. It felt good knowing that I played my part well and that they thought of having a farewell lunch for me, even though I was only with them for 3 months.

The Linkz Event family =)

Thinking back, I couldn't really recall much about how hard it was when I first started working at Linkz. Trying to get used to the time schedule, office conduct, workflow and system. But after a week it didn't seem to matter anymore. I got used to the office, and slowly got comfortable. During my time with them, I learnt more than what I first expected when I took up the job. I learnt a thing or two about running and managing an event, how to secure sponsorships, and overseeing the running of the event on site. Even though I was a graphic designer, they gave me the opportunity to learn outside of just my profession.

I was given an experience into what the working world was like. The office never really felt like an office. My colleagues were always helpful and fun to talk to, even though work is work and play is play, and we balanced between those two, they always gave pointers when I had questions, never answers. "That's how you get to learn." They would say, to which I agree. We had company trips, as well as lunch outings. Those were fun times, as I got to experience what they meant by "After office hours bonding".

Now, I'll be preparing for my next hurdle. Further studies. Thank you for the great referral letter and thank you so much for everything. Short as 3 months may be, during my period with Linkz Event, I've overcome and learnt a lot.

Much love, such touching referral letter. =')

Next up, in 30 days, onwards to degree studies. I'm so pumped.

Cheers~

Vincent

7 days to go

*blows dust off this place* Wow, it's been awhile. I'm surprised there are still people reading this not-very-active blog of mine. Thanks for the...readership I guess? 

So yeah, a few posts back, I wrote about getting three offer letters from three different universities and colleges that I have applied to. Finally made my choice about a week back actually, but I didn't have time to talk about it. I'll get to why later. 

Decided on Swinburne University of Technology, Sarawak. Reason was because they made me an offer I could not refuse(no, not really.) The offer letter that came in was for Multimedia Design, and I was given an exemption of 12 subjects, making my study duration 1.5 years. Don't ask me, I have no idea how this thing works, but I'm just glad I got an offer letter. Seems like I would be starting in September, which is kinda just a month to go. I'm actually pretty excited because this is a new experience for me to be alone and manage myself in a foreign place. Might miss home from time to time but oh well, can't always be too dependant. Guess my parents trained me well during my college days to source my transportation and everything else (almost did everything myself). I was pretty lucky too to decide early, cause I snagged myself a good deal on the flight ticket there (Air Asia promo :D). Yeah, I'm going alone. So August would be a lot of packing getting some important items, gonna get most of the daily stuff when I'm settled down over there though.

So yeah, why was I so busy? Work. It's finally coming to an end. Soon. 7 working days really. That's just a week to go. Time sure flies and without really keeping track, I've already been in the company for close to three months. I will really miss the place, because the working environment and my colleagues were really helpful and always helpng me grow. I've learnt a few things about working life while with them, and though there were some stressful moments, the outcome at the end after a project was worth it. I joined the company for the experience, and I got what I started off aiming with. Rushing and tying up loose ends before I leave at the end of the month, completing the major artworks before handing them over to the next designer to ease her burden (responsibility, in-grained into me). Also the reason I'm up at 2.15a.m today. Double checking some of the assignments and artworks that are close to completion or completed.

Most importantly, I really thank them because they were there to keep my mind off things and made me focus on what was most important at hand, the job and priorities. For that, I will always be thankful to have learnt from them.

Till next post (If I have something undust this place with)

Cheers

Vincent Loke

Life and Nature

Hello to all the unknown and known people out there who still, somehow, sometimes, check up and reads the stuff that I post. I know you're out there. *does the I'm watching you thingy*

Life has been good to me lately, or maybe I'm focusing a lot on the good side. Just went on a company trip to Ulu Yam yesterday for a BBQ picnic. So, where is this..Ulu Yam? Truth be told I have no idea either, except that it's close to Batu Caves. It's one of those nature getaway spots that let's people enjoy nature. Playing in the river, escaping from the cityscape, that sort of thing.

Back to the main topic, BBQ. Yeah, so a bunch of us went all the way there and had a BBQ picnic, and it was awesome. For one, have you ever had a BBQ-on-water? Yes, you heard me right, and it literally means that. BBQ. On. Water. Here let me show you.

While most people are concerned about keeping the charcoal dry and the flames going, we at Linkz Event, try to do things differently. We challenge the two elements to present this, BBQ-On-Water experience. Totally worth it. I met a whole bunch of new people, made friends and ate lots of good stuff prepared by everyone. Yeah, the food selection was kind of a potluck thing, but I'm not complaining. Food was great!

LINKZ FAMILY!

 We had an awesome time at Ulu Yam. Even learnt a new thing. Cooking bacon in a tin foil. I must say, it tastes so damn satisfyingly awesome.

Just look at it. Swimming in it's own sweet fat juices. Makes me drool just remembering how good it tasted. *drools*

Anyway, till next time people =)

Cheers,
Vincent

P.S: Compulsory photo if you're at a river.

King of the Rock. Totally.

Decisions, decisions

The week has been tough. Work has been fun, but tough at times. It's to be expected since, this would be my final month working in this company as their Graphic Designer. No, I did not get fired. In fact, three sort of good news came in the form of emails. Which brings me to the point of the title. Decisions.

Offer letters/ credit transfer application results came in. Swinburne, KBU, and INTI. After about a month of waiting. I guess, good things come to those who wait?

Now all that's left is for me to decide on which offer to accept.

Decisions, decisions indeed. While rushing all the final artworks to get them done by middle of July so that I can leave work in peace to further my studies. It's only early July, but it seems like August is gonna be a busy month for me.

Cheers~

Vincent

Acceptance, Hope, and Possibilities

So it has finally come to a close. A separation. We both go out separate ways with the mutual agreement that, right now, we have other priorities in life. I was glad that it ended on good terms. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, but we managed to work this out. 

The times we've had were great. With more ups than downs. We both understood each others perfect imperfections. Putting smiles on each others face, being there for each other, sharing ideas and thoughts. I will miss the company, I will miss the touch, I will miss the embrace, I will miss the warmth. I let it go not because my feelings faded, it hasn't. Rather, because the feelings were strong that I wanted her to explore the world, see her possibilities, and achieve what she can. I'm sure she thinks that of me too. There was so much that I wanted to say, to hold her back. But that would only be selfish of me. She meant so much more to me.

She's seen me at my lowest point. She's seen my dark side. She's seen my vulnerable point. My flaws and imperfections. Time would heal I know, and during then, I would improve on myself. I would achieve what I can. Reach for the furthest I can go. So that someday, if our paths crossed again, she would see me at my best. This period, I am glad that we both agreed to salvage what we had and try being friends. The memories would serve as a stepping stone to improve myself.

I would miss her from time to time. She would meet other people, learn new things. I would probably think about her from time to time. But I know that, I have to work on my flaws. At my age, I believe I have a vague idea of what I want in life. When my personal well being is taken care of, then I may, pursue her again. I might not, but I might.

 

I have hopes. Hopes of possibilities.

 

 

P.S: I'd be there if you need me. For I made a promise. A promise at the resting bed of a significant person. That I would be there for you as long as you need me. Maybe not as intimate as before, but a listening ear, a shoulder for you to lean on, a relaxed moment of laughter, a back for you to hide behind, and someone who understands you without needing words.

It's never the end till you're six feet underground.

Of acceptance, priorities, and life.

Oh! Today is Mother's Day! Not that it should mean you should only treat your mom specially today. However, it being a day dedicated to that one important person who gave life to you, it should be extra special. Do cherish your mom wherever you are. A phone call, a video call, a card, flowers, dinner, meal together. Anything can do. She spent years bringing us up, caring for us, facing our tantrums and attitude. You only get one mom. 

Knowing that, eveyday should be mother's day, but for those out there whose life get's in the way in the sense of work, just one day won't kill you =) 

That little concern, that little time, could go a long long way for the one who suffered 9 months to bring us into the world. Who continued to look after us after those 9 long months and shared our joy and sadness as well as pain, success, and stayed with us each step we took in life. =)

A child is closest to their mother because, while in her care, it was two hearts beating in one.

Happy Mother's Day =) 

My lovely mom =)

p.s: I've come to the point that, whatever happens, I'm ready for it. I've already did all that I could and left all others to be seen and felt. I believe things will work one way or another, in a certain manner, in some plot twist. It just happens =)

Turn

 I was glad. Glad that I could show you that I could do something for you. Deep down we're not that different at all.

Sometimes it doesn't really show, but I am trying. To improve, to succeed, and to provide security. Yes, it may seem I don't have much to offer now, but I've never stopped giving. 

I am doing what I can. I am doing what I know best. What the future brings, we never know. Why not take a leap of faith? I know I can be better, I know I can be just as good. I know I have it in me.

It's not that I didn't want to. It's just that I wanted to be sure. I wanted to know. I wanted to be ready for what I will end up doing for the next decade of my life. I want to be able to show you that I am as capable as any other person.

We can be stronger. We can go through this. We can and I know.

"Faith can turn things around. Where there is darkness, there can be light" - Victoria Osteen

Have faith.

p.s.:

Please, don't take this the wrong way. I am in no way pressuring. I just want myself and you to remember what we've been through and how we got through them. I have become a better person since then and I am still improving myself. That should be something in itself =)

They say things we want to

Writing is really a way to take your mind off things. Why? Because you think of what to type out next to each word and then you think whether you used the right words, right grammar or even right vocabulary in that one sentence. Then you check the sentences for typo error. Makes me wonder why I never took up copywriting. Probably cause I only when the mood hits.

Lately my mind keeps remembering this one song. For some reason it's set on auto repeat.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm telling you

I softly whisper

Tonight...

Tonight...

You are my angel

Aishiteru yo

Futari wa hitotsu ni

Tonight...

Tonight...

I just say

Wherever you are, I'll always make you smile

Wherever you are, I'm always by your side

Whatever you say, Kimi wo omou kimochi

I promise you forever right now

I don't need a reason

I just want you baby

Alright...
Alright...
Day after day

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

 Wherever you are by One Ok Rock http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NouEgC8RtxE

I remember singing this song, and I meant every word. Took me awhile to pick this song because, I don't say forever easily, but when I do, I want it to mean something.

Believe - 101

101th. That's this post number. No celebration for this though.

I believe that things happen for a reason. It's to make us see what matters and to grow stronger.

I believe in promises. Because I try my best to never break any of them if I could.

I believe that we can change. Because I am trying to change for the better.

I believe in feelings. It's what makes life be what it is.

I believe that everything has a solution. Because the world would be doomed if it came to a standstill.

I believe in chances. That's where you find opportunity, changes, and new experiences.

I believe in many things but this, I think this few are what matters most.

I also believe in what we had. I believe in you.

Giving

It's not normal for me to be posting so often. But who cares anyway? I'm not posting for anyone. Sometimes we just need words to voice out what we can't say not because we can't, but we're afraid of what the consequences are as well as how it may sound.

I care a lot about things. When things that matter to me most are before me, I would do what I can to make things work. When life get's in the way, I believe that there are ways to overcome. I moan, I cry, and yes, I complain. But we all do. What matters after is that whether you pick yourself up or come to a stand still. Whether we just leave things as is and turn to another. Most of us would pick ourselves up. That's a given. 

Life's a bell curve, you go up, where the happy times are, then you fall, for those are the times where you learn what matters most. Everyone is built different and that being too much alike only repels. Why are we built differently? Cope differently? That's the way we are made. My personal guess is that we were meant to complement the lack in another whilst the other does the same.

I give everything I have. Not because I can. Not because it's a must. It's because I want to. It's because I see something in it. I value the things that come by. We give a little, we sacrifice a little. We gain a little, we receive a little.

There are multiple ways to make it through. Believe in me who believes in you.

Minds and thoughts

Thinking too much and worrying over things. That's human. I'm worried yes. So much. I'd give anything just to have the good times back. When it didn't matter as long as we we're together, we could do anything.

Love is a test of time, not feelings. Feelings come and go as time passes. What matters is that both party can find the feeling to stay strong together.

You can't change how a person thinks. Their mind is their own. You can only convince them to see that there are other alternatives.

Change. We are made for change. If there is something not so desirable, you are always entitled to change that part of you for the better. Humans don't act and stay as they are, we adapt and change and make ourselves better.

Breaking up is the easy way of taking things. So you can just run away. That's what they say. I really never thought of this. I've only thought of, how do we work through this? How do we fix this?

I just feel like poring all this out. I feel better letting this out in words than to keep it pent up inside of me. I feel, I know, I understand.

Of aches and changes

I've been drifting in and out of sleep. I can't even think well. Why is it that everytime April comes, everything has to be so hard? I'm not sure if it's April having some vengeance on me or whatnot.

Sometimes, it amazes me how feelings can change so fast. How promises don't mean a thing and memories are just, memories.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've tried my best

I've given my best

Little did I know

That even that was not enough

A little doubt

A little thought

It was all it takes

To cause so much pain

Love is hard

Love is painful

But I know it's just as rewarding

But I know it's just as worth it

The things we had

The things we did

I had hoped that it would be strong enough

I had hoped that it would hold us together

All I hope for

Is that things work out

Is that memories meant something

Is that you would find that feeling again

-------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

I am so messed up. Why? This is the thing about feelings. It's shocking. It changes so fast. 

So fast, so much.... That it's so scary. I hate myself for doing this to myself.

Risks and stakes

They say, that when someone has nothing to lose, nothing left to be tied to, they are free. There is nothing at stake. Nothing to hold them back. Nothing to stop them.

When someone has something to lose, something they care for, they are tied. There is so much at risk. Every move has to be made carefully.

Most of the world have something they live for. Something that they hang on to. Someone even. Everyone has something to lose. To be free of being tied, is just too small a margin to be.

I am the same like everyone else. I have something and someone to lose. I cannot be free, yet I do not want to be free.

WE are all made to look for love. Even if it hurts us in more ways than one, yet we still look for it. Masochistic maybe, but it's the one thing that everyone deems worth it. Even if scrapped, broken, torn, hit and thrown.

I have something and someone to lose. I wonder, am I in the same position to anyone else?

I wonder if I am held on to, afraid to be let go off.

Picking up the pieces

It's 3am. I am still not ready to answer the calls of my pillow as it yearns for my head lie upon it. I am still not ready for the darkness that would welcome me. I am still not ready for what will come after I close my eyes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cracks upon the walls

Cracks upon the windows

Cracks upon the paintings

Cracks upon the memories.

You came to me when I was not myself

You held me when I was unable to feel

You heard me when I was unable to speak

You saw me when I could not see myself.

Why was I too focused

Why was I too absorbed

Why was I too blinded

To see that there were more to be.

I saw that tear when you didn't see

I heard that cry when you didn't speak

I felt that pain when you didn't show

I stood by drowned in myself

You walked away

I moved forward

You turned away

I reached for you.

Deep down the pain grew

Deep down love fought.

As we moved

I picked up the pieces

As we moved

I put the pieces together

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I still hang on as things have been hard. I believe that we are made for each other. Life get's hard sometimes but then we get through it together. We've been through this before.