Turn

 I was glad. Glad that I could show you that I could do something for you. Deep down we're not that different at all.

Sometimes it doesn't really show, but I am trying. To improve, to succeed, and to provide security. Yes, it may seem I don't have much to offer now, but I've never stopped giving. 

I am doing what I can. I am doing what I know best. What the future brings, we never know. Why not take a leap of faith? I know I can be better, I know I can be just as good. I know I have it in me.

It's not that I didn't want to. It's just that I wanted to be sure. I wanted to know. I wanted to be ready for what I will end up doing for the next decade of my life. I want to be able to show you that I am as capable as any other person.

We can be stronger. We can go through this. We can and I know.

"Faith can turn things around. Where there is darkness, there can be light" - Victoria Osteen

Have faith.

p.s.:

Please, don't take this the wrong way. I am in no way pressuring. I just want myself and you to remember what we've been through and how we got through them. I have become a better person since then and I am still improving myself. That should be something in itself =)

They say things we want to

Writing is really a way to take your mind off things. Why? Because you think of what to type out next to each word and then you think whether you used the right words, right grammar or even right vocabulary in that one sentence. Then you check the sentences for typo error. Makes me wonder why I never took up copywriting. Probably cause I only when the mood hits.

Lately my mind keeps remembering this one song. For some reason it's set on auto repeat.

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I'm telling you

I softly whisper

Tonight...

Tonight...

You are my angel

Aishiteru yo

Futari wa hitotsu ni

Tonight...

Tonight...

I just say

Wherever you are, I'll always make you smile

Wherever you are, I'm always by your side

Whatever you say, Kimi wo omou kimochi

I promise you forever right now

I don't need a reason

I just want you baby

Alright...
Alright...
Day after day

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 Wherever you are by One Ok Rock http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NouEgC8RtxE

I remember singing this song, and I meant every word. Took me awhile to pick this song because, I don't say forever easily, but when I do, I want it to mean something.

Believe - 101

101th. That's this post number. No celebration for this though.

I believe that things happen for a reason. It's to make us see what matters and to grow stronger.

I believe in promises. Because I try my best to never break any of them if I could.

I believe that we can change. Because I am trying to change for the better.

I believe in feelings. It's what makes life be what it is.

I believe that everything has a solution. Because the world would be doomed if it came to a standstill.

I believe in chances. That's where you find opportunity, changes, and new experiences.

I believe in many things but this, I think this few are what matters most.

I also believe in what we had. I believe in you.

Giving

It's not normal for me to be posting so often. But who cares anyway? I'm not posting for anyone. Sometimes we just need words to voice out what we can't say not because we can't, but we're afraid of what the consequences are as well as how it may sound.

I care a lot about things. When things that matter to me most are before me, I would do what I can to make things work. When life get's in the way, I believe that there are ways to overcome. I moan, I cry, and yes, I complain. But we all do. What matters after is that whether you pick yourself up or come to a stand still. Whether we just leave things as is and turn to another. Most of us would pick ourselves up. That's a given. 

Life's a bell curve, you go up, where the happy times are, then you fall, for those are the times where you learn what matters most. Everyone is built different and that being too much alike only repels. Why are we built differently? Cope differently? That's the way we are made. My personal guess is that we were meant to complement the lack in another whilst the other does the same.

I give everything I have. Not because I can. Not because it's a must. It's because I want to. It's because I see something in it. I value the things that come by. We give a little, we sacrifice a little. We gain a little, we receive a little.

There are multiple ways to make it through. Believe in me who believes in you.

Minds and thoughts

Thinking too much and worrying over things. That's human. I'm worried yes. So much. I'd give anything just to have the good times back. When it didn't matter as long as we we're together, we could do anything.

Love is a test of time, not feelings. Feelings come and go as time passes. What matters is that both party can find the feeling to stay strong together.

You can't change how a person thinks. Their mind is their own. You can only convince them to see that there are other alternatives.

Change. We are made for change. If there is something not so desirable, you are always entitled to change that part of you for the better. Humans don't act and stay as they are, we adapt and change and make ourselves better.

Breaking up is the easy way of taking things. So you can just run away. That's what they say. I really never thought of this. I've only thought of, how do we work through this? How do we fix this?

I just feel like poring all this out. I feel better letting this out in words than to keep it pent up inside of me. I feel, I know, I understand.

Of aches and changes

I've been drifting in and out of sleep. I can't even think well. Why is it that everytime April comes, everything has to be so hard? I'm not sure if it's April having some vengeance on me or whatnot.

Sometimes, it amazes me how feelings can change so fast. How promises don't mean a thing and memories are just, memories.

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I've tried my best

I've given my best

Little did I know

That even that was not enough

A little doubt

A little thought

It was all it takes

To cause so much pain

Love is hard

Love is painful

But I know it's just as rewarding

But I know it's just as worth it

The things we had

The things we did

I had hoped that it would be strong enough

I had hoped that it would hold us together

All I hope for

Is that things work out

Is that memories meant something

Is that you would find that feeling again

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I am so messed up. Why? This is the thing about feelings. It's shocking. It changes so fast. 

So fast, so much.... That it's so scary. I hate myself for doing this to myself.

Risks and stakes

They say, that when someone has nothing to lose, nothing left to be tied to, they are free. There is nothing at stake. Nothing to hold them back. Nothing to stop them.

When someone has something to lose, something they care for, they are tied. There is so much at risk. Every move has to be made carefully.

Most of the world have something they live for. Something that they hang on to. Someone even. Everyone has something to lose. To be free of being tied, is just too small a margin to be.

I am the same like everyone else. I have something and someone to lose. I cannot be free, yet I do not want to be free.

WE are all made to look for love. Even if it hurts us in more ways than one, yet we still look for it. Masochistic maybe, but it's the one thing that everyone deems worth it. Even if scrapped, broken, torn, hit and thrown.

I have something and someone to lose. I wonder, am I in the same position to anyone else?

I wonder if I am held on to, afraid to be let go off.

Picking up the pieces

It's 3am. I am still not ready to answer the calls of my pillow as it yearns for my head lie upon it. I am still not ready for the darkness that would welcome me. I am still not ready for what will come after I close my eyes.

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Cracks upon the walls

Cracks upon the windows

Cracks upon the paintings

Cracks upon the memories.

You came to me when I was not myself

You held me when I was unable to feel

You heard me when I was unable to speak

You saw me when I could not see myself.

Why was I too focused

Why was I too absorbed

Why was I too blinded

To see that there were more to be.

I saw that tear when you didn't see

I heard that cry when you didn't speak

I felt that pain when you didn't show

I stood by drowned in myself

You walked away

I moved forward

You turned away

I reached for you.

Deep down the pain grew

Deep down love fought.

As we moved

I picked up the pieces

As we moved

I put the pieces together

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I still hang on as things have been hard. I believe that we are made for each other. Life get's hard sometimes but then we get through it together. We've been through this before.

21st on the 21st of April

Recently, I celebrated my 21st birthday. Welcome Adulthood. It was the usual wishes, cake, and same old day. There was one thing that really made it special though. This marks the 2nd year I'm celebrating my birthday with my dearest girlfriend. That's special enough for my birthday celebration. Literally having her with me is special enough to make my day, that was why I told her not to get me anything for my birthday. Little did I know she went ahead and got me one.

 

"Hey, I got you something for your birthday." she told me.

"Oh, I thought I told you not to." I said, "Just you being with me is good enough" :I

"B-but, it's handmade!" she says

"O-oh. Okay then..." I smiled

*Passes me a box which I open*

"I-it's a scarf." I said.

"Y-yeah, cause you said you were going to further your studies overseas," she said, "Didnt know it wouldn't happen."

"I-I'd still be going...only a year later, hopefully." I said.

"S-so, do you like it?" she asks.

*Tries it on*

" It's..comfy," I said, "Thanks dear" =)

 (>///w////<) (<<<< that was her reaction, blushing)

 

The scarf she made

 

 I really appreciate her effort in making this for me as well as her being thoughtful. If you're reading this, dear, I really really love you. Thank you for putting up with me this long. The things we've been through together and the memories we've made, and that we're still together. =)

Thank you for everything and my birthday wish? I can't tell you that. It might make it lose it's effect.

P.s: I-It's not l-like I reallllyyy treasure it o-or anything   >////A////<

One Four Four Two O One Four

Time really flies. Even more so when you actually sit down and think about it. A year and a half back, I was still a college student going about life as a college student(duh) and enjoying my hobbies. Spent certain weekends going to ACG events and cosplaying.

Fast forward 613 days(more or less). I've been through small arguments, little disagreements, periods of cold silence. There were happy times too, laughing together times, enjoying each other's company. In that period of time, I graduated from college with a diploma, she graduated from foundation and moved on to a degree course. Six hundred and thirteen days more or less in rough calculations, we've been together. She regularly puts up with my temper issues, my jealousy bouts, my weird moments.

Yeap, she's the one I'm talking about. She's petite, but she doesn't let that stop her. She's just as strong willed as anyone. Enough to put up with my antics at times. I am truly happy to have her by my side.

Ps: Love you