Friday, 27 May 2011

Of Faults and Pain to the Heart. Hurt to all~

Well...hello everybody. First and foremost, forgive me for the lousy greeting. I am feeling sort of down at the moment. I just got out of an argument with a blood relative. As I have found out...Arguments are not nice. It always ends up with both parties being hurt.
This message is to who it may concern, I don't know whether you will check my blog, or whether you will even bother reading, but I have given you the link to my blog. I have nothing to hide, I have nothing evil to say. I guess.
Back to my post. I am now turning to the one place where I'm at least a somebody, my blog. I'm turning to one place where at least I can pour out my emotions with no fear of any retribution besides my book of self poems in my room. Yes, my blog is the one place I can pour my pain, happiness, loneliness, sadness, joy, enthusiasm and so many other feelings. I shall say it in poem form. Two pieces, written to express what turmoil I have in me.
The Confusion and Questions in Me.

Those eyes that stare at me
Those eyes that glare at me
Those eyes full of kindness
Those eyes full of anger
I can feel them looking at me
Even when I chose to stare at something else
I do not return your gaze
I do not challenge that stare
For I know it will only add up to much much more pain
I stare at a blank spot on the wall
Why me I ask?
Why me?
There is no answer
There is not even a whisper of indication
You choose only to see what is in front of you
You choose only to see what is in physical form
You choose only to see what a failure I am
When I try to change
Small words of encouragement sound like sarcasm to me
Words of encouragement that turn to discouragement soon after
What am I to you actually?
That's an answer only you know
For you have called me so many different things
I stare at the four walls that are now holding me in
I stare at the four blank walls and ask
Why me?
The Turmoil of Emotions~ It Hurts

I stare out the window
I see all those images flash by one by one
I can hear the quiver in your voice
I know how much it hurts you as it hurts me too
I can feel something hot trickling down the sides of my cheeks
I can feel my eyes welling up
I know
Because you are hurting too
Is this what arguments have brought onto us?
Is this the pain that we both are condemned to?
It doesn't make me one little bit happy in any sense.
I don't think you can see the tears rolling down my cheeks
I don't think you even know why I'm crying
For all you know
I should be whooping with joy
But I'm not
I can tell we are both hurt in our own ways
The skies the rain the rumble
The rain drops that fall
It feels as if the skies are crying with us.
There's the turmoil of emotions in me
The anguish and pain
But I guess you don't see that
I guess...
You just don't know me

Yes..Those are the two poems that actually tell of the beginning and the ending of arguments. The pain...It's not a happy ending for anyone. As the title suggests, "Of Faults and Pain to the Heart. Hurt to all", both sides are hurt and nothing feels good. I don't know whether you are reading this. I on't know what your reaction is to this, but if words that come to me feels just the way I think it would...then, maybe as poem #2 don't know me....

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