This place has become where I pour myself out. I'm lucky I guess, not being one of those popular most read blogs.
It's been 31 days since that day. The day we went from "relationship" to "friends". I've been drowning myself out with work just to get over the feelings. Yes, I won't lie that it hurts. Especially when I'm alone, and there's nothing on my mind. It's then that the memories come back. I miss her, miss the things we did together, miss the times.
But I know I'm hanging in there. It's not the end. I just hope that the day would come when I can finally pen down the eulogy to our memories with a neutral, nostalgic, casual feeling. Understanding that life comes first. Priorities change.
So it has finally come to a close. A separation. We both go out separate ways with the mutual agreement that, right now, we have other priorities in life. I was glad that it ended on good terms. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, but we managed to work this out.
The times we've had were great. With more ups than downs. We both understood each others perfect imperfections. Putting smiles on each others face, being there for each other, sharing ideas and thoughts. I will miss the company, I will miss the touch, I will miss the embrace, I will miss the warmth. I let it go not because my feelings faded, it hasn't. Rather, because the feelings were strong that I wanted her to explore the world, see her possibilities, and achieve what she can. I'm sure she thinks that of me too. There was so much that I wanted to say, to hold her back. But that would only be selfish of me. She meant so much more to me.
She's seen me at my lowest point. She's seen my dark side. She's seen my vulnerable point. My flaws and imperfections. Time would heal I know, and during then, I would improve on myself. I would achieve what I can. Reach for the furthest I can go. So that someday, if our paths crossed again, she would see me at my best. This period, I am glad that we both agreed to salvage what we had and try being friends. The memories would serve as a stepping stone to improve myself.
I would miss her from time to time. She would meet other people, learn new things. I would probably think about her from time to time. But I know that, I have to work on my flaws. At my age, I believe I have a vague idea of what I want in life. When my personal well being is taken care of, then I may, pursue her again. I might not, but I might.
I have hopes. Hopes of possibilities.
P.S: I'd be there if you need me. For I made a promise. A promise at the resting bed of a significant person. That I would be there for you as long as you need me. Maybe not as intimate as before, but a listening ear, a shoulder for you to lean on, a relaxed moment of laughter, a back for you to hide behind, and someone who understands you without needing words.
It's never the end till you're six feet underground.
Oh! Today is Mother's Day! Not that it should mean you should only treat your mom specially today. However, it being a day dedicated to that one important person who gave life to you, it should be extra special. Do cherish your mom wherever you are. A phone call, a video call, a card, flowers, dinner, meal together. Anything can do. She spent years bringing us up, caring for us, facing our tantrums and attitude. You only get one mom.
Knowing that, eveyday should be mother's day, but for those out there whose life get's in the way in the sense of work, just one day won't kill you =)
That little concern, that little time, could go a long long way for the one who suffered 9 months to bring us into the world. Who continued to look after us after those 9 long months and shared our joy and sadness as well as pain, success, and stayed with us each step we took in life. =)
A child is closest to their mother because, while in her care, it was two hearts beating in one.
Happy Mother's Day =)
My lovely mom =)
p.s: I've come to the point that, whatever happens, I'm ready for it. I've
already did all that I could and left all others to be seen and felt. I believe things will work one way or another, in a certain manner, in some plot twist. It just happens =)
It's been a long time since my cheeks had this much moisture. Not in a good way. I really don't know what I should do other than pretend and go along with everything.
I was glad. Glad that I could show you that I could do something for you. Deep down we're not that different at all.
Sometimes it doesn't really show, but I am trying. To improve, to succeed, and to provide security. Yes, it may seem I don't have much to offer now, but I've never stopped giving.
I am doing what I can. I am doing what I know best. What the future brings, we never know. Why not take a leap of faith? I know I can be better, I know I can be just as good. I know I have it in me.
It's not that I didn't want to. It's just that I wanted to be sure. I wanted to know. I wanted to be ready for what I will end up doing for the next decade of my life. I want to be able to show you that I am as capable as any other person.
We can be stronger. We can go through this. We can and I know.
"Faith can turn things around. Where there is darkness, there can be light" - Victoria Osteen
Have faith.
p.s.:
Please, don't take this the wrong
way. I am in no way pressuring. I just want myself and you to remember what we've
been through and how we got through them. I have become a better person
since then and I am still improving myself. That should be something in
itself =)
Writing is really a way to take your
mind off things. Why? Because you think of what to type out next to each
word and then you think whether you used the right words, right grammar
or even right vocabulary in that one sentence. Then you check the
sentences for typo error. Makes me wonder why I never took up
copywriting. Probably cause I only when the mood hits.
Lately my mind keeps remembering this one song. For some reason it's set on auto repeat.
I remember singing this song, and I meant every word. Took me awhile to pick this song because, I don't say forever easily, but when I do, I want it to mean something.
