It's been almost a year since my last post. A lot has happened with me during this long period of absence. Wondering where should I begin really. I guess I'll just start with whatever is at the top my head now.
First up, changed a new bike, and officially this bike stayed with me longer than the rest. Seems like I've found THE ONE. Next up, I'm single. Again. Actually since the start of 2017. It's a complicated story. Next, I've officially been in the workforce for over a year (Achievement unlocked guys?). Next, I signed up for a half marathon coming up in November (Another soon to be achievement unlock?). Next, I'm taking up swimming class (to swim with proper form). My cycling coach is trying to get me into Duathlons and Triathlons. Not sure how I feel about it so far, seems like an exciting prospect, that is, if I can actually correct my form instead of confusing my arms and going "blub blub blub" underwater.
So, let's see. Since I've talked about a new bike on my last post, I'll leave the bike post for later. I guess it's time for me to pour out my thoughts again in this blog (thankful that, there's rarely anyone who still checks up on here).
Well, here goes. I met her during my last semester in Swinburne Sarawak, Kuching. We met through cycling actually, and it quickly turned into something special for me. I knew it when I felt it that, she was someone I'll want in my life. We actually met each other's parents and I can tell my parents liked her from the moment they met her. But over time, I guess how I faced my problems, anger, and feelings by keeping to myself made her feel....unwanted? Which slowly caused problems for the both of us. When she finally voiced out her decision one year and 3 months into the relationship, I admit, I had a hard time accepting the fact that she gave up on the relationship.
She wanted to find herself again. As hard as it was for me, I respected her decision and agreed to what she wanted, despite what I felt. I know now, 9 months down the road, how stupid I was. A little info on my side on why I did it then, it's because I'm not the kind to beg, or force someone to stay when they already have the thought to leave. It's just how I am, though thinking back about it, I'm not sure about myself.
As time passed, I focused on my job, and she, who just graduated was aiming to land a job in Singapore. We did agree to try and stay friends, if that was even possible. The last time we saw each other, I wasn't expecting to see her for a long long while as we went on our separate ways. Then, after a few weeks of on and off contact, she dropped me a message that she got a job, which wasn't close to me but it was still within driving distance, a 20 minute drive in fact. I was happy for her, but unsure of what to feel myself. Not sure if this was a sign to try harder, or I'm just looking too deep into it.
On and off we kept in touch and even met up once in a while ever since she came over to the west side of Malaysia. 9 months down the road, she has helped me with my scripts and announcements, cause she's that good with mandarin and I'm a banana, which was for my emceeing role in my job (a story for another post).
Deep down, at this point, the truth is, I just want another chance to do it right. Just one more chance to make it right. But from myself, I can't tell what's going through her mind. I wished I knew, or at least....there's some signs that at least that little chance exist.
I just want to hold your hands again. Be there for you, to see that smile again, and to go through everyday together with you, if that is possible in any small chance. I'm restless chasing the last words you said, wishing I could repair what happened between us.
And so, here we are.
That's why it's complicated to me right now.
I'll just leave this here and till the next post...whenever that is.
Signing out.
Vincent Loke
And so, here we are.
That's why it's complicated to me right now.
I'll just leave this here and till the next post...whenever that is.
Signing out.
Vincent Loke
