To memories, to possibilities, to future.

[This is gonna be one of the longest post I've ever did. Be warned]

Recently, I've been watching a few on Wong Fu's short videos. Even repeated some of them up to 20 or so times. For some reason some of the videos just felt relate-able to me. The few that really caught my attention was 

"Somewhere Like This"

"Two After Noon"

"Strangers Again" (Director's Commentary)

"Shell"

Probably the few that really got me through my depression stage.

15th June. That's today. This date and a few others are a significant part of my life. How so? They're just dates, how can numbers be anything? Well, it's because this "numbers" have a meaning to them. Maybe that's something about me that's a bit of a good thing, and a bad thing at times. I put meaning into a lot of things.

It was this date two years ago that I met her. We met and things just happened and we clicked. That was the start of one of the greatest moments in my life. We got together, we got to know each other, we learnt about each other. We spent time together and almost everyday, we would talk and ask about each others day. It was a great feeling, to love, and be loved. We shared almost everything with each other, no secrets, no lies. Just understanding. We had our occasional fights, but we always made up with each other. There was the occasional cold wars, but we still apologized to each other and we easily made up with each other. I guess I was a bit difficult to handle at times. But throughout our relationship of a year and nine months, we had more ups than downs. The times we spent together, the commute that I took to meet her everytime, whether it was her place or university, even though both of which took two hours, it was worth it.

I remember the day I introduced her to my parents, they took an instant liking to her, although firm with their point of concentrate on studies before relationship, they liked her nevertheless. I got introduced to her family as well, went on a trip together. The moments we shared together while working on our hobby, cosplaying. She was the first that made me go through so much and do so much as well as grow so much. Together, we learnt and faced so much. I was there for her when she was at her lowest, and she was always there for me when I was at my lowest. We were almost perfect for each other.

The only thing that wasn't was probably our timing. For awhile, for a long while in fact, the moments, the times were right. Close to a month before we broke up, I admit that I was being a bit difficult. I was at the point where I didn't know what I wanted to do and things was just going downhill around me, I may have took it out on her a bit, but she was there encouraging me while being busy with her own studies. To the point that I guess, it got too much to handle. When I found out she was thinking about "breaking up", truth be told, I was hurt. I always thought that we would work things out together, that we can face anything life throws at us. 

I tried everything I could to show her that there was an alternative, that there was a way to work through this but I slowly came to accept the fact that, it wasn't right for me to force someone to stay when they didn't want to. I guess you were right when you said that we were young, that there was still so much ahead of us. So when you made your choice, it just wasn't right for me to hold you back. I truly believe though, that while we lasted, it was love and that I truly and full-heartedly loved you. 

You said you wanted to focus on your studies and get a degree. I'm sure you can achieve that. As for me, I should concentrate on completing mine. We both agreed that we would stay friends, though awkward as it may be at first.

All I can do now is to wish you all the best, as much as I want to be there for you every step of the way as you were for me, I can only do so as a friend now. If you ever need some supportive help, I would be there for you as a friend.

Will we hate each other?

This  was taken from "Strangers Again". Something that I hope we can both understand if you end up reading this. 

"I think that if life separates us, and we end up in totally different places, I'd always remember when our paths aligned for this period in time. And I'll be thankful. And I'll hope that, wherever you are, you'd be thankful too. I think that's the best we could wish for." 

I just hope you wouldn't hate me. It's time I let you go. "Keep the memories, but let her go. If things were meant to be, it will happen" they say. I guess that's what I will do. So this "Box of Memories" of mine, I would cherish it.

I'm jut glad we both ended it on mutual, good terms.

And that's the best I could wish for.

Thank you. For everything. 

"You will always be the Yuna to my Tidus."

Hope that everything will work out in the end, someday, somewhere.

Officially 31 days.

This place has become where I pour myself out. I'm lucky I guess, not being one of those popular most read blogs.

It's been 31 days since that day. The day we went from "relationship" to "friends". I've been drowning myself out with work just to get over the feelings. Yes, I won't lie that it hurts. Especially when I'm alone, and there's nothing on my mind. It's then that the memories come back. I miss her, miss the things we did together, miss the times.

But I know I'm hanging in there. It's not the end. I just hope that the day would come when I can finally pen down the eulogy to our memories with a neutral, nostalgic, casual feeling. Understanding that life comes first. Priorities change.

And that day might come soon.

I'll be fine.

Acceptance, Hope, and Possibilities

So it has finally come to a close. A separation. We both go out separate ways with the mutual agreement that, right now, we have other priorities in life. I was glad that it ended on good terms. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, but we managed to work this out. 

The times we've had were great. With more ups than downs. We both understood each others perfect imperfections. Putting smiles on each others face, being there for each other, sharing ideas and thoughts. I will miss the company, I will miss the touch, I will miss the embrace, I will miss the warmth. I let it go not because my feelings faded, it hasn't. Rather, because the feelings were strong that I wanted her to explore the world, see her possibilities, and achieve what she can. I'm sure she thinks that of me too. There was so much that I wanted to say, to hold her back. But that would only be selfish of me. She meant so much more to me.

She's seen me at my lowest point. She's seen my dark side. She's seen my vulnerable point. My flaws and imperfections. Time would heal I know, and during then, I would improve on myself. I would achieve what I can. Reach for the furthest I can go. So that someday, if our paths crossed again, she would see me at my best. This period, I am glad that we both agreed to salvage what we had and try being friends. The memories would serve as a stepping stone to improve myself.

I would miss her from time to time. She would meet other people, learn new things. I would probably think about her from time to time. But I know that, I have to work on my flaws. At my age, I believe I have a vague idea of what I want in life. When my personal well being is taken care of, then I may, pursue her again. I might not, but I might.

 

I have hopes. Hopes of possibilities.

 

 

P.S: I'd be there if you need me. For I made a promise. A promise at the resting bed of a significant person. That I would be there for you as long as you need me. Maybe not as intimate as before, but a listening ear, a shoulder for you to lean on, a relaxed moment of laughter, a back for you to hide behind, and someone who understands you without needing words.

It's never the end till you're six feet underground.

Of acceptance, priorities, and life.

Oh! Today is Mother's Day! Not that it should mean you should only treat your mom specially today. However, it being a day dedicated to that one important person who gave life to you, it should be extra special. Do cherish your mom wherever you are. A phone call, a video call, a card, flowers, dinner, meal together. Anything can do. She spent years bringing us up, caring for us, facing our tantrums and attitude. You only get one mom. 

Knowing that, eveyday should be mother's day, but for those out there whose life get's in the way in the sense of work, just one day won't kill you =) 

That little concern, that little time, could go a long long way for the one who suffered 9 months to bring us into the world. Who continued to look after us after those 9 long months and shared our joy and sadness as well as pain, success, and stayed with us each step we took in life. =)

A child is closest to their mother because, while in her care, it was two hearts beating in one.

Happy Mother's Day =) 

My lovely mom =)

p.s: I've come to the point that, whatever happens, I'm ready for it. I've already did all that I could and left all others to be seen and felt. I believe things will work one way or another, in a certain manner, in some plot twist. It just happens =)

How

It's been a long time since my cheeks had this much moisture. Not in a good way. I really don't know what I should do other than pretend and go along with everything.

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Everything was fine

Everythng was great

When did it all changed?

When did it all happened?

How can you take it

If someone you cared so much for

Just stopped caring

Words of endearment no longer meant anything

The warmth that just isn't the same

The passion that just isn't there

How can you take it

If someone your heart has found a home in

Just sweeps it away

Apologies meant nothing

Memories brushed aside

Live life not even bothered

How can you take it

When you start to miss the passion

When you start to long for the laughter

When you don't even know whether to call out words of endearment

When you start to break apart

Knowing that you yourself caused this

When the question surfaces

"What's wrong?"

And you know what's wrong

But the words just catches itself

You choke back words and tears alike

And pretend that nothing was amiss

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 I really don't know anymore. What's right to do, what's wrong. What should I say, what can't I say.

 I find relief in writing. Cause at least there's a way for me to release myself. That's what writing is for isn't it?

Turn

 I was glad. Glad that I could show you that I could do something for you. Deep down we're not that different at all.

Sometimes it doesn't really show, but I am trying. To improve, to succeed, and to provide security. Yes, it may seem I don't have much to offer now, but I've never stopped giving. 

I am doing what I can. I am doing what I know best. What the future brings, we never know. Why not take a leap of faith? I know I can be better, I know I can be just as good. I know I have it in me.

It's not that I didn't want to. It's just that I wanted to be sure. I wanted to know. I wanted to be ready for what I will end up doing for the next decade of my life. I want to be able to show you that I am as capable as any other person.

We can be stronger. We can go through this. We can and I know.

"Faith can turn things around. Where there is darkness, there can be light" - Victoria Osteen

Have faith.

p.s.:

Please, don't take this the wrong way. I am in no way pressuring. I just want myself and you to remember what we've been through and how we got through them. I have become a better person since then and I am still improving myself. That should be something in itself =)

They say things we want to

Writing is really a way to take your mind off things. Why? Because you think of what to type out next to each word and then you think whether you used the right words, right grammar or even right vocabulary in that one sentence. Then you check the sentences for typo error. Makes me wonder why I never took up copywriting. Probably cause I only when the mood hits.

Lately my mind keeps remembering this one song. For some reason it's set on auto repeat.

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I'm telling you

I softly whisper

Tonight...

Tonight...

You are my angel

Aishiteru yo

Futari wa hitotsu ni

Tonight...

Tonight...

I just say

Wherever you are, I'll always make you smile

Wherever you are, I'm always by your side

Whatever you say, Kimi wo omou kimochi

I promise you forever right now

I don't need a reason

I just want you baby

Alright...
Alright...
Day after day

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 Wherever you are by One Ok Rock http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NouEgC8RtxE

I remember singing this song, and I meant every word. Took me awhile to pick this song because, I don't say forever easily, but when I do, I want it to mean something.